It Was Never Random

This thought has been going through my mind a lot lately. Over the weekend I had the chance to spend time with one of my good friends. She is the friend that you can tell anything to, and you know she will never judge you. Mostly because we have both been through very similar trials, so we just get each other. Every time we get together we spend hours talking. Like the good kind of talking. Like the meaning of life, the meaning of trials talking. That is how our conversations are every single time we start talking, and I love it.

Talking with her made me realize something quite amazing. I never really understood until now how much I have truly grown since this time last year. Last February-April I was in the darkest place I had ever been. To be completely honest, I was in a relationship that made me feel completely worthless. I was with a person that made me feel like I had to be dependent on him. I was trapped, and although I was technically with someone I had never felt more alone in my entire life. The craziest part of it all is I thought I was happy, and I was about to spend the rest of my life with this person. I thank God every day for freeing me of that toxic relationship, and through time making me realize that I never could have continued like that.

This "relationship" ended at the end of April, and I basically thought my world had ended. Every single plan for the future I had got turned upside down. I had nothing. I felt like I was nothing. It took me a very long time to realize that this was my time to start over, and that someday I would understand why all of this was happening.

That answer came with the news of the October 2012 General Conference. The news that once again flipped my entire world upside down, but this time I was ok with it. This news was the lowering of the mission age for girls AND boys. Uh, what? Girls could now serve at the age of 19 years old. To be completely honest I was still sleeping when this announcement was made. One of my friends had texted me telling me about it. As soon as I read that, my heart began to race and I started to get very anxious. Although it took much prayer and pondering (like months you guys), I have come to the decision that I will be serving and LDS mission this coming fall.

I honestly couldn't even begin to explain how grateful and excited I am to serve a mission. I know more than anything that this is what I am supposed to do at this time. It has brought me such comfort, joy, and confidence.

This quote has basically been echoing through my mind for quite some time. I know that everything that happened last year wasn't random. I know the reason things didn't work out is because I had a greater purpose for the future. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and if things are meant to work out they will. It is crazy to think how far I have come in just a year. I look back and just can't help but feel sad for that girl who thought she was happy last year. Who thought all she wanted was to get married to her high school sweetheart, and spend the rest of their lives together. I know now that that was never supposed to be my future. I have some bigger and better things planned for me. I seriously don't think I have ever been happier in all my life than I am right now. I am confident, feel beautiful, and I know that what I am doing is going to make me even happier. I would just like to thank all of you that have been so supportive with my decision to serve a mission. Each and every person in my life has played a significant part in getting me where I am today. I love and am grateful for all of you. I would also like to thank my loving Heavenly Father who has brought to me more peace and joy than I ever thought imaginable. I know that through Him I will always find my way, and that I will continue to be blessed as I follow Him.

I am so excited to be sharing this with you guys, and I can't wait for the adventures that are ahead of me! Wish me luck!

*image found via Pinterst

The Dream

 I know I continue to mention this, but one of my best friends leaves for France in less than a week. She will be there for a total of 18 months, and our only communication will be through letters via snail mail. In other words, we have been spending as much time as we possibly can before she leaves. Our friendship is a funny one. It kind of started out of nowhere. We automatically clicked when we figured out we both had a love for long haired boys, beards, and music. After going to one concert together it was almost like we were instant best friends. I am so unbelievably grateful for the opportunity I have had to get to know her, and I am so lucky to have her as  friend. We are basically the same person, don't even worry about it.

Yesterday I was reading Shawnee's post (check out her blog here) about living a simple life, and basically bringing out your inner hippie. This post just made me itch for a dream I have ALWAYS had. A dream that is so impractical, but I believe the experience would be worth it. The dream of taking a summer to move to some small beach town, living in the cheapest apartment you can find, bringing just a backpack of "supplies", and basically spending the summer on the beach. Learning to surf, skateboarding/biking to get you places, no social media, no make-up, a little job at a little cafe. Really just living as simply as you can, and enjoying earth and all it has to offer. I know this is a bit cheesy.. alright maybe a lot cheesy, but it has always been my dream. Just for a summer at least. Anyone else ever feel like this, or have dreams like this?

The reason I even bring it up is because after I saw Shawnee's blog post I immediately text my friend about it. Later that day we went to lunch, and basically planned it out for when she gets home. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I know that with her it will actually happen. We get things done you guys! Haha we come up with goals, and we accomplish them. We have already completed a bunch of goals we had for before she left, so I know that we will do it. Seriously, I couldn't be more thrilled! You know how exciting it is to have a fun that isn't all talk? It obviously won't be for a while, but there is just something about knowing it will happen. Ahhh! I don't know. I don't know what to say about it anymore.

I really am just so thankful to have a friend that I seriously share everything and more in common with. I feel like it has been a long time coming. Haha So Emily, this post is for you. Only two more years until we make "the dream" a reality. Wow, I make it sound like we are in a relationship or something.. Haha Thank you for being just as crazy as me at heart. Thank you for liking the "weird" boys with me, even when they suck. Thank you for being my concert buddy, and going to like a million and one concerts with me. I can't believe this all started because we just happened to be riding the same bus to school. I know when we first started hanging out it was a little awkward, so thank you for continuing to go and do stuff with me. Thank you for being my only friend to believe in The North Valley, and go to every freaking show like stalkers. You seriously have become one of my best friends, and I thank God every single day for giving me a friend like you. I think we both can agree that it is so important to have a friend that you can do the things you love with, and how different it is when they actually love those things to. I am going to miss you like crazy, but there will plenty of letters filled with stories (expectation and reality), pictures, and those lady things that for some reason Europeans don't believe in. I love you girl. You are going to be an incredible missionary, and France is lucky to have you (and all those other cool places that are a part of your mission). Take a billion pictures, and we will go through them all when we are re-reading our letters and living in Hawaii!

*all images found here