It Was Never Random
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Talking with her made me realize something quite amazing. I never really understood until now how much I have truly grown since this time last year. Last February-April I was in the darkest place I had ever been. To be completely honest, I was in a relationship that made me feel completely worthless. I was with a person that made me feel like I had to be dependent on him. I was trapped, and although I was technically with someone I had never felt more alone in my entire life. The craziest part of it all is I thought I was happy, and I was about to spend the rest of my life with this person. I thank God every day for freeing me of that toxic relationship, and through time making me realize that I never could have continued like that.
This "relationship" ended at the end of April, and I basically thought my world had ended. Every single plan for the future I had got turned upside down. I had nothing. I felt like I was nothing. It took me a very long time to realize that this was my time to start over, and that someday I would understand why all of this was happening.
That answer came with the news of the October 2012 General Conference. The news that once again flipped my entire world upside down, but this time I was ok with it. This news was the lowering of the mission age for girls AND boys. Uh, what? Girls could now serve at the age of 19 years old. To be completely honest I was still sleeping when this announcement was made. One of my friends had texted me telling me about it. As soon as I read that, my heart began to race and I started to get very anxious. Although it took much prayer and pondering (like months you guys), I have come to the decision that I will be serving and LDS mission this coming fall.
I honestly couldn't even begin to explain how grateful and excited I am to serve a mission. I know more than anything that this is what I am supposed to do at this time. It has brought me such comfort, joy, and confidence.
This quote has basically been echoing through my mind for quite some time. I know that everything that happened last year wasn't random. I know the reason things didn't work out is because I had a greater purpose for the future. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and if things are meant to work out they will. It is crazy to think how far I have come in just a year. I look back and just can't help but feel sad for that girl who thought she was happy last year. Who thought all she wanted was to get married to her high school sweetheart, and spend the rest of their lives together. I know now that that was never supposed to be my future. I have some bigger and better things planned for me. I seriously don't think I have ever been happier in all my life than I am right now. I am confident, feel beautiful, and I know that what I am doing is going to make me even happier. I would just like to thank all of you that have been so supportive with my decision to serve a mission. Each and every person in my life has played a significant part in getting me where I am today. I love and am grateful for all of you. I would also like to thank my loving Heavenly Father who has brought to me more peace and joy than I ever thought imaginable. I know that through Him I will always find my way, and that I will continue to be blessed as I follow Him.
I am so excited to be sharing this with you guys, and I can't wait for the adventures that are ahead of me! Wish me luck!
*image found via Pinterst