CM Recap: The Lesson

Friday, December 7, 2012

Alright, so before I go crazy about the freaking amazing episode of Criminal Minds yesterday, I am going to tell you a story.
Once upon a time I went to this Mary Kay party thing on a Wednesday (aka Criminal Minds day), and I didn't get home until like 10:30pm. Everything was good though because I had recorded the newest Matthew Gray Gubler (aka favorite human) episode. I was set! I walked in the door, and my younger brother (who actually looks like an older brother, because he is so freaking tall) was watching sports center, or whatever the heck it is called. I calmly (not calmly) told him he needed to get out, because I needed to watch the new episode of Criminal Minds. You know what he did? Pretended he was asleep. Are you effing kidding me right now? I was not a happy camper. I will not explain how I got him to leave, but I did get him to leave.
So now I was preparing myself. I had been waiting a good month for this episode. Not only did Gubler direct it, but this was the episode that the "mystery" girl was going to be revealed. Let's just say I pretty much had to mentally prepare myself all day for it. I was ready now. I found the recorded episode and started it. As it started I was a little confused. They were showing a preview of the next week's episode. What the heck? SOOO confused. Then... it happened. The effing Grammy Nomination whatever started playing. WHAT THE HECK!!!! I was furious. I don't know how it happened, but my dang tv recorded the Grammy thing instead of Criminal Minds. Are you even kidding me? It wasn't even the Grammys!!! They made an entire show/concert for the "reveal" of the Grammy nominations! What is this?! Who does that?!
Now I sat with the tv paused just hoping I could will it with my brain powers to start playing Criminal Minds. It did not work. So now I am calling my friend Paige whose phone has just died. It was 11:00pm, and I was ready to drive over to her house, bang on the door, and demand she let me watch Criminal Minds on her tv. I didn't end up doing that, but I wanted to! Instead I called her a billion and one times. So as I am almost in tears, yes actual tears, I fumble through my phone trying to see if there are any episodes online yet. Guess how many websites had the episode that was only released two hours ago...ZERO!
After this I thought I was defeated, but I was not giving up. I tried to calm myself down a little bit (with no success) and decided to look it up on my computer. You guys... I seriously don't even know how it happened. I really must be living right because CBS put it on their website. Heck freaking yeah! It truly was a miracle. Especially since that was the first place I checked, and it hadn't been there the first time I checked. I could finally breath again. I then started what is probably the greatest episode EVER.... Now I am actually going to talk about it.
Alright, so I am pretty much just going to go through from the very beginning and talk about everything that came to my head. Sound good?
First off, mystery girl and Reid talking in like the first five minutes! Already dead. Seriously, I died. I wasn't digging the scarf that looked like a turtle neck that Reid was wearing, but I got over it. Then what the she has a stalker, and what the she decides out of nowhere she wants to meet Reid! Well alright then. And what the she calls him Spence. Best thing of my life. You guys, Reid is in love! It is so fantastic!
One of the victims has my car! Whoo! My car is in an episode of Criminal Minds. It is fantastic.
Alright, now for the dislocating of the shoulders... are you even serious? I seriously felt like I was going to throw up, but I couldn't stop watching it! That seriously might have been one of the most disturbing things I have ever seen. Like for real, I have chills right now even thinking about it. It was just plain nasty. Ewwwww!

Okay, now I don't even know what to think. Umm human marionettes?? Are you even kidding me?? Who comes up with this stuff? How freaking creepy is that?!
Now about this dance/performance of the human marionette. You guys, this might be the creepiest thing I have ever seen. At the same time, this might be the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Freaking Matthew Gray Gubler! What are you doing to my head. You want to hate this performance soo much because of what is happening, but you can't help but admire the beauty of it all. It seriously was stunning, which makes you feel like a creep because you enjoyed it! So many mixed feelings! It really is magnificent though. Here is a video I found. The quality is absolutely awful, but hopefully you can see the beauty of it.

 So now it is time for Reid talking about his "mystery" girl. Are you even kidding me? Is he even real? Who freaking writes this stuff?
"She is already the most beautiful girl in the world to me."
"I just wouldn't want to ruin something so special over something so trivial as looks."
No, I did not watch that part like five times...
This was the one and only time I have actually like the new girl. Wow, I don't even know her name. That is how much of an impression she has made on me. This scene were she is talking with Reid actually made me start to like her, and I think I am going to learn her name now.
But seriously you guys, this scene was the cutest thing on the planet. Reid is pretty much perfect.
Ok, now it is time to freak out some more about how absolutely insane and creepy this episode was! Ok, let's get to the actual performance. First off I am all like, "Wtf, this guy has an audience? If they only freaking knew!" Then I was all, "Wtf, the midget is a freaking doll!!" After the F.B.I come in and catch the sucker I am all, "Why the heck are these people clapping?" AND THEN I was like, "WTF, THE AUDIENCE IS FREAKING PUPPETS!"
This episode I swear! It was like five minutes of just mind blowing information. You would think one thing was enough, and then there was another freaking twist! It is two days later, and I am still recovering from it. I just don't understand who could possibly come up with the stuff. Brilliance I tell you! Brilliance!
So after the crazy twists ended it was time for the date! The date! As in Reid was meeting the freaking mystery girl! I have been waiting a month for this, and then... it doesn't even happen! Fml.
I did think the getting ready scene was hilarious! They are too perfect together. It is just unreal. I know it is a dang tv show, but I love it. I was disapointed that they didn't get to meet, but the revealed her face! Finally! If they hadn't done this, I probably would have thrown my computer. I couldn't take it anymore. So yay to knowing the face of the mystery girl!
She is perfect.


  1. I don't even know watch Criminal minds so I skipped the entire chunk about what happened in the episode but SERIOUSLY isn't it the worst when you get sosososososo excited to watch a new episode of anything and then you find out it wasn't new or someone stopped the recording blah blah blah. Sometimes, looking forward to watching an episode of something IS ALL I LOOK FORWARD TO IN A DAY!

    Also Miss Shelby you should email me since I can't find yours on your blog! (Maybe I'm just dumb.)

    1. It seriously is the worst! I mean business when it comes to my shows. Hahaha I will def email you! I don't have an email for this blog yet, so no worries.


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