What I have been forced to learn today is that some things just aren't meant to work out. For a time, it can be the greatest blessing in your life, but sometimes it just can't work out. Although I knew in the beginning it was something that could never last forever, I am glad I took the risk of going for it anyway. However, taking risks comes with consequences. Consequences you don't even realize until it is all over... too late. Things like realizing you had fallen in love, and didn't even know it. Or maybe you did, but were to scared too accept it. Too scared because you knew one day it was going to end, and falling in love just didn't seem worth it. Well, it happened anyway.
You may be asking why would I even start something I knew couldn't work out in the first place. I started it, because I believed in it. I don't know why all this happened the way it did, but I know that during these last few months I have had someone that could make me understand things about myself that no other human could. Someone who made me believe in myself, and made me realize that my dreams were worth fighting for. And you know what, if that was the role they were meant to play in my life, I am ok with that. I finally have figured out what I want to do with my life, and I am not scared to go full force towards my goals. I am not letting anything hold me back anymore.
Although my time with this remarkable human was far too short, I don't regret taking that chance. That chance of forgetting the odds, and trying anyway. Things may not be so great right now, but I know one day I will be able to look back and see exactly what their purpose was in my life. Until then, I am just going to be sad for a little bit, because I already miss them and I think that is ok.
*image via pinterest
Girl you already know my feelings. I love you.
ReplyDeleteEm
love you girl. thank you for helping me through all of this.
Deletetotally know how this feels. let yourself truly feel whatever you truly feel. i don't believe in 'always being happy la la la'. maybe it is the artist and writer in me but i believe in feeling all of the human feelings, you know? and truth: sometimes i say yes because i know it won't go anywhere. because i am too independent to actually have a long-lasting relationship. and right now, i am totally ok with that. maybe even that's all i want. xoxoxo hugs
ReplyDeletethis is perfect. i seriously couldn't agree more. and i seriously want to come visit you!! like this is not a joke. 100% real life!!
Deleteps COME VISIT ME pb&j sandwiches are a faaaavorite of mine also i like the film like crazy. we can adventure around because i swear lake superior is therapy.
ReplyDeleteI so know where you're coming from. i hope just realising you made the right decision & have grown as a person because of it will help you get through it all.
ReplyDelete+ you seem to have a good reason to eat pb & jelly sandwiches all day long and listen to The Smiths on repeat. It's okay to embrace sadness every now and then. I must admit I haven't read all that many other entries of yours (def planning on doing this though!), but it makes you write beautifully.
Eat all of the sandwiches you want, lady. I relate to this SO well! When someone shows you a perspective and a way of seeing things that you find so refreshing, and can't imagine getting enough of. Then it's gone and you almost feel cheated.
ReplyDeleteBut you have a good thought. If that's the role this person was meant to play, then so be it. At least you learned.
A quote that's helped me through similar times goes like this: "The secret to life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times." -Paul Coelho
this is so beautiful! i love it, and i love your honesty. one of my favorite quotes is 'a mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.' life is meant to stretch you--you are meant to take risks.
ReplyDeleteeven though some experiences are hard, we always learn from them & can come out on top. pain hurts, but it certainly helps us see ourselves more clearly.
again, thanks for your beautiful and inspiring words. also pb&j is never a bad idea. :)