Breakdowns

I swear one day I am feeling on top of the world, and that I have my life all figured out, and then the next day I am on the verge of a mental breakdown. This was my day yesterday. Does this happen to anyone else but me?

Yesterday was just a bad day for me, and when I sat back and thought about it I realized that it was all on me. I was the one stressing myself out, and for not reason at all. Do you ever have those days where you are either of sick of your job, or school, or anything really, and it is just for that day, but it is like all the sudden your head explodes, and you can't stop your thoughts from running wild? You put so much stress on finding that perfect job, or being this perfect person, and before you know it you are doing all you can not to break into a million tiny pieces? Why do we do this to ourselves?

It is ridiculous you guys. The need for being perfect, and comparing ourselves to everyone. Just days before you were thinking how lucky you are, and what a blessed life you have, and the next thing you know you have completely turned your back on that wonderful life, and instead are wasting your time trying to become someone you are not. I think we sometimes we just need to take a deep breathe, step back, and realize most of us have it pretty good, and there is just no need at all to do all this comparing and perfecting.

I guess the main point I am trying to get across is life is just too hard if your are constantly comparing yourself to others, and my goal from here on out is to change my attitude about that. Instead of being jealous of those who might be more successful than me, to instead be excited and proud for them! We should all be rooting for each other. Life isn't a competition! We should all get to CHOOSE the way we want to live without fear of not being good or glamorous enough.

Well this is the end of my rambling ladies and gentlemen. Here is to a new attitude, and to less breakdowns.

P.s- Pictures are from a Saturday adventure with my love to Bridal Veil Falls. We were driving through the Alpine Loop when we stumbled upon this beauty. It was too gorgeous not to stop and pull over to take pictures. I want to go back some day soon, and explore it a little more!

9.11.13

This week has been so different. Last week I felt like things were finally coming together, but this week... this week has made me realize that things are still just slowly falling apart. It has made me realize I am still as lost as ever.

I feel like I am doing everything I am supposed to do. I feel like I am doing everything I have been told to do, but things just won't come together. Today was the day that my whole life was supposed to change... but here I am, sitting at home, just wondering what things would have been like if today happened the way it was supposed to. People make mistakes, and sometimes those mistakes change everything. I still don't know if it is for the better. All I can do at this point is have faith that it was for the better.

I realize that the only thing I can do now is have patience, and trust in the Lord that he will guide me through this. I have complete faith in that. It is all I really have at this point.

I see all these people around me making these huge changes in there life. They have said a "see ya later" to the things that didn't make them happy, and have just gone for it. These people are such an inspiration to me. They have taken their lives into their own hands, and are doing what they love. I know that sounds completely selfish, but I don't know if it is such a bad thing. What is more worth it? Living your life in fear of displeasing others, or having the courage to stand up for yourself, and take control of your own life. When it comes down to it, it is our life to live. I believe there is a balance. I don't think you are ever too young or too old to take chances. If it doesn't work out the first time, try it again. Your life is never something to give up on.

I think I am slowly getting to the point of taking control of my life. To pushing out every one's opinions of what I should be doing with my life right now, and relying on myself instead. I am so ready to take MY life back, and take the time to figure out what I think is best for me. The only person I am choosing to rely on through this is the Lord, and I think with Him I can finally get through this. I can finally figure out where exactly I am meant to be.

*image via pinterest

9.10.13

Do you ever have phases where all you want to do is get all dressed up, and go out somewhere?! Maybe it's just me... I just want so badly to dress up all fancy like (preferably in something sparkly, or whatever) and go out for a night on the town. It just sounds wonderful. I hope I am not crazy, and am the only person who thinks about that... but probably. Whatever. Life.

I probably need a night like this though considering I just spent my night devouring a bowl of popcorn while crying over all the spectacular dances performed on the So You Think You Can Dance finale. Whatever. Not even sorry. And Travis Wall, please marry me, because you are a stunning human, and you choreographed one of the most incredible dance performances I have ever seen in my entire life. CAN'T EVEN HANDLE YOU! If you don't believe me, feast your eyes on this..

I mean, are you serious?! That just isn't even real!!! Can't get over it, so I will just watch it 84 times, and sob.

Also, my car broke down yesterday.... so that is good.

6/9/2013

I don't really know what has been going on lately, but I just want to write. I have no idea what about yet, but I know it has to happen. Does anyone else get this way? It is like you have so much on your mind, and there is so much you want to say.. but the only way you can possibly think of expressing it is through the written word. I'm sure I can't be the only one.

I feel as though I have been so inspired lately, but at the same time I am constantly searching for inspiration. It is a very confusing thing. All I know is that I have spent so much of my time lately looking at beautiful pictures, and being thankful that so many people in this world have the ability to capture beauty and share it with the rest of us. I guess this is what I have been trying to do lately. I am trying to find that thing I can use to capture the beauty I see every single day.. I just don't know what it is yet.

It is funny to see the things that I have used as a creative outlet in the past that I don't really even think about anymore. For instance, music used to be my way of sharing something beautiful with those around me. I am not saying I was any good, but I think I definitely had the passion which is kind of beautiful on it's own. After I sort of gave up on music I moved onto fashion. All during high school I used my clothing to express what was going on in my crazy head. It was my creative outlet, but now I don't feel like I have one anymore. It is funny how things changed. How things that used to be so important to you kind of fade into the background, and before you know it they just aren't there anymore.

I am trying to find that creative outlet again, but I have no idea what that will end up being. I think my problem is once I think of something I never really end up following through. This can be a bit of a problem. I think I have an idea, but I honestly have no idea. I guess I will just have to wait and see.

I'm not really sure what this post even is. Just a bit of rambling. It is getting late, so who know what is happening inside my head right now. I'm not really sure if any of this even makes sense. I guess I will just have to wait and see in the morning.

Well, I don't know if I really have any more to say... So I guess I will leave you with some pictures and quotes that I have found to be most lovely as of late. I hope you enjoy them!

 

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1.24.13

found here

Today I just feel like writing. Is that alright? No specific posts. I will pick up on all that stuff on Monday. Until then I just want to write about random things. I usually do that anyway, but this is just a warning. Until Monday, any posts (if there are any) will just be some writing. Maybe I will add an awesome quote or graphic to make it look pretty. Like I just did...

This quote (if this is even a quote) is kind of my favorite right now. I don't know about you, but sometimes I get sick and tired of being compared to everything and everyone. Nothing is about being yourself. If you are going to do something, it should be like something else. Take the above quote for example, "Look like a girl. Act like a lady... blah blah blah." What does that even mean? Like for real though think about it. These are just things that our society has ingrained into our heads that we have to  be. It is what you need to act like or be like in order to be acceptable. Well I don't agree. I get the concept, but I think we should be whoever we want to be. I don't think we have an obligation to fit into societal norms. Just be yourself. I would think that the majority of people are pretty normal without having all these "rules" that we should be living by. Just sayin'.

This past weekend was a longer weekend due to MLK day. Basically what this means is I didn't have school OR work. Aka best thing ever! How did I spend my extra free day. Why going to the dermatologist and exploring Barnes & Noble of course! You guys, I seriously spent like an hour and a half in Barnes & Noble just looking around. I gathered plenty of fashion, art, and photography books and enjoyed and hour and a half of beautiful pictures and inspiring messages. As I was going through what I would call a cookbook created by Nylon magazine I realized how purely content and happy I was just sitting there in a crowded Barnes & Noble looking through random books with pretty pictures. You know what else I realized? It was completely free!

Lately I have been really stressing out about money. Mainly because I have my Europe trip on the mind. I seriously am trying to figure out how I am going to pay for the entire thing. I realized that I really needed to change my spending habits in order to save enough for my European adventure this coming July. So I came up with this idea while sitting in Barnes & Noble. I made a plan to live a simpler lifestyle. I realized that I needed to become less attached to material things, so here is the plan I came up with..

1. For this entire year, the only clothing I can purchase is clothing that I have thrifted. Looking at my closet (and my mama's)

*So I am now coming to finish this post. The fire alarm at the library just went off, so we were rushed outside.. into the freezing rain. Literally, freezing rain. Campus is like an ice rink today. Ridiculous!*

2. For this entire year, I will only go to see movies at the dollar theater. Except for the Great Gatsby. That is my one and only exception. Midnight showing anyone??

3. This might not be a hard one of the rest of the world, but it is going to be extremely difficult for me. I can only go to concerts every other week. Gah, kill me now! I haven't been to a concert for TWO WHOLE weeks, and I am dying! DYING!

4. I am dying my hair back to blonde, so I know longer have to pay for color. Only haircuts from now on.. sigh.

5. Once it gets warm again (aka not freezing rain, the literal kind) I am determined to ride my bike everywhere I can. I am actually stoked for this one.

Well there you have it. These things might not really matter to the average person, but the all matter somewhat to me. I don't have a lot of money to begin with, so these are the little things I get to do for myself. It will be a challenge to take a little bit of that away, but I know I will find other things to fill my time with. It is worth it for Europe! Haha It has actually been kind of fun to think of things to do that are free instead of going out and spending money. I think this year is going to be a very creative year which I am really excited about!

Do any of you have fun and FREE activities or ideas that you enjoy? Please share!

Well I think that is enough writing for today. Don't want to get too boring! I hope everyone is having a fantastic Thursday! All you fellow Utahns... be careful out there! Don't forget your ice skates!